osewalrus (osewalrus) wrote,
osewalrus
osewalrus

I know no one else will get this....

My problem, I wrote this and think it is hysterically funny. Those interested in why can read my professional blog or my most recent entry at www.publicknowledge.org. But I'm just going to exercise my privilege as a blogger and Time's "Person of the Year" to amuse myself.

DEAR BRAVE PUBLIC SAFETY ENTITY OR CONCERND CITIZEN:

MY NAME IS MORGN OBRYN AND I WANT TO GIVE MANY MEGAHURTS NEW SPECTRUM TO PUBLIC SAFETY ENTITYS. MY COUNTRYS CONGRESS RECENTLY PASSED A LAW GIVING BRAVE PUBLIC SAFETY COMMUNITY 24 MEGAHURTS NEW SPECTRUM AND 36 MEGAHURTS TO AUCTION TO PRIVATE SECTOR FOR COMMERCIAL USE. I DO NOT THINK 24 MEGAHURTS ENOUGH FOR BRAVE PUBLIC SAFETY ENTITIES.

WITH YOUR HELP, I CAN GET 30 MORE MEGAHURTS OUT OF PRIVATE SECTOR. I AM LOOKING FOR TRUSTWORTHY PUBLIC SAFETY ENTITYS AND CONCERNED CITIZENS LIKE YOURSELF TO SET UP "PUBLIC SAFETY TRUST" TO HOLD THE 30 MORE MEGAHURTS. YOU WILL GET GREAT NATIONAL BROADBAND NETWORK FOR PUBLIC SAFETY ENTITYS THAT CAN SEND IMPORTANT VIDEO INFORMATION OR OTHER INFORMATION IN TIMES OF TERRORIST ATTACK OR HURRICANE. MANY BRAVE FIREPEOPLE DIE ON 9/11 BECAUSE THEIR RADIOS NOT "INTEROPERABLE." OUR "PUBLIC SAFETY TRUST" NETWORK WILL SOLVE ALL "INTEROPERABLE" PROBLEMS AND WOULD HAVE SAVED MANY LIFES IN 9/11 AND IN THE GULF COAST DURING KATRINA AND REETA. AND BEST PART IS, WE BUILD IT FREE! NO NEW TAXES OR NOTHING!

TO PAY FOR GREAT NATIONAL BROADBAND NETWORK, THAT YOU GETTING FREE WITH NO NEW TAXES OR NOTHING, I NEED ALL BRAVE PUBLIC SAFETY ENTITYS AND CONCERNED CITIZENS TO WRITE FEDERAL COMMUNICATION COMMISSION AND CONGRESS TO GIVE OUR "PUBLIC SAFETY TRUST" EXCLUSIVE NATIONAL LICENSE FOR FREE. WHEN CONGRESS AND FCC DO THAT, I WILL BUILD YOU GREAT NATIONAL BROADBAND NETWORK YOU GET FREE WITH NO TAXES OR NOTHING! I PROMISE I BUILD IT FOR EVERYONE, NO MATTER HOW EXPENSIVE, WITH MY OWN MONEY, BECAUSE I AM CONCERNED PERSON LIKE YOURSELF WHO CARE DEEPLY ABOUT 9/11 FIREMEN AND NEW ORLEANS PEOPLE.

IN EXCHANGE, ALL I ASK IS THAT YOU LET ME USE SPECTRUM WHEN BRAVE PUBLIC SAFETY ENTITYS NOT USING IT. THAT WILL HELP ME PAY FOR GREAT NATIONAL BROADBAND NETWORK YOU GET FOR FREE WITH NO TAXES OR NOTHING! I PROMISE I WILL NEVER OVER CHARGE ANYBODY OR TAKE ADVANTAGE OF FACT THAT I GET MANY BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF BEST SPECTRUM FOR FREE. I ALOS PROMISE I WILL NEVER STOP BUILDING NETWORK AFTER I BUILD IT IN PLACES THAT MAKE ME LOTS OF MONEY. YOU CAN PUT THAT PROMISE IN LICENSE TO GET FREE SPECTRUM, SO FCC CAN ENFORCE AGAINST ME.

THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS WONDERFUL, BRAVE PUBLIC SAFETY ENTITYS AND CONCERNED CITIZENS LIKE YOURSELF.

MORGN OBRYN

FCC DOCKET NO. RM-11348 AND PS DOCKET NO. 06-229. PLEASE USE THESE REFERENCE NUMBERS IN ALL LETTERS TO FCC AND CONGRESS.
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