June 6th, 2008

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Fox News Is Here! I Haz Catnip Toy!

So here I am at the 2008 National Conference on Media Reform, and I hav the most exciting news: the FOX NEWS TEAM IS HERE and so, I have heard, is Bill O'Reilly. (No doubt in town to endorse Al Franken in his bid for the Senate.)

Woo hoooo!!!! Talk about your status symbols. We have really made the big time if Poppa Bear himself has come to town to pay his respects. As for me, it's as if the Goodfeathers had wandered into a cat conention after accidentally falling off a catnip truck.

I understand that some folks, however, may be nervous talking to the good folks at Fox News. Here is my advice: Keep confusing O'Reilly with Stephen Colbert.

So for example:
Fox News: Can we interview you for O'Reilly Factor.
Person: Great! I've always wanted to be on the Colbert Show!
FN: That's not us. This is Bill O'Reilly.
Person: Oh yeah. I saw him on the Colbert Show once.
FN: Anyway --
Person: Do you think O'Reilly can get me on Colbert?
FN: No. Now --
Person: Because Stephen colbert is just a god, you know. A total God. O'REilly should definitely try to get on Colbert again. You know, for the Colbert bump.
FN: We want to talk to you --
Person: Did you know Stephen Colbert was just given the distinguished "Understandable Vanity Award by the Princeton University Class of '08 (Go Tigers!). Did O'Reilly ever go to college?
(Persist until FN people quit in disgust.)
Person: Wait! Come back! Does this mean O'Reilly won't introduce me to Stephen Colbert?

In other news, I discovered this morning that when I do a talk show with someone from West-By-God-Virginia, my Maryland accent comes out real strong. (Yes, my years hanging with House Southwind have given me a Muurrralunnd accent when I'm tired or talking to folks from around hyar).