And Paulson did say unto them: "Gather up all your gold and bring it to me. Take it from your wives and even from your children, and bring it to me." And the people did gather up $700 billion, and simply handed it to him. And Paulson threw it into a great pot, and fashioned a golden Bull, and he declared "a holiday to the Dow tomorrow." And the people rose the next day, and brought offerings, and the people settled to eat and drink and make merry.
(thanks to mamadeb for the pointer).