Washington — House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH) and senior Republican members of the House of Representatives suffered serious head injuries today after slamming their heads repeatedly into a wall until they fell unconscious. The strange behavior began when Obama suggested he would introduce legislation that would have made it illegal to slam your head into a wall until you fall unconscious.
Conservative pundits praised Boehner and his colleagues for “sticking to their principles” and “refusing to cave.” “If Obama and his socialist comrades in Congress outlaw giving yourself a concussion, they'll take our guns away next!” Warned Rush Limbaugh. Other media analysts questioned whether this “head banger rebellion” marked a turn around in the Republican's fading fortunes. “If Obama can't get bipartisan support for not injuring yourself, you have to ask what sort of influence he really has,” said Brit Hume.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) expressed sympathy for her Republican colleagues and wished them a speedy recovery. However, a source close to the Speaker reported that — when conferring with President Obama and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) — Pelosi giggled and said: “Next week, let's get them to eat dung beetles.”
Mind you, it is a long way to 2010. But I expect the Republican reversal of fortune will come from a new generation of Republicans who finally convince enough of their fellows to overthrow the party elders who have become as locked in this pattern as the Ds were in their death spiral from '94-'04 -- when liberals retreated to their caves and whined to each other about the unfairness and cruelty of the world and how everyone else was just stooooopid. So perhaps it is unsurprising that the Republican base appears content to retreat to their caves and remind themselves how wonderfulthey are, how unfair the media is, and how everyone else is just stoooopid