Then it hit me. Somehow, back in 1992 our political system became the victim of an unfortunate transporter accident! This explains why we hear so much yapping on Capital Hill. There are these two sets of "unipoodles" with rat tails and funky antennae. The Democrats all have these tame little unipoodles that don't do anything, while the Republicans all have these unipoodles that think they're pit bulls.
Next time I have a meeting on the Hill, I am so going to look for the transporter. Our only hope is to reverse the process during the next State of the Union address! If we can do that, the two halves of our political system will be reunited and our government will be functional again! Or Nancy Pelosi will grow a beard. One of those two.
OK, it sounds strange, but doesn't that actually make more sense than any other theory?