osewalrus (osewalrus) wrote,
osewalrus
osewalrus

Our Political System Is The "Enemy Within"

So I keep trying to understand how it is the Republicans and Democrats can be such polar opposites of each other. But it's not just that they're polar opposites. Each seems to be half the other. Republicans have ruthlessness, energy, and wild, savage almost uncontrollable emotions. Democrats seem sensitive, but weak, intellectual to a point of distraction, and utterly unable to muster any passion about anything. Each is totally dysfunctional on their own, but seek only to destroy each other. If combined, they would be a functioning party. Separated and at war, they must ultimately both die.

Then it hit me. Somehow, back in 1992 our political system became the victim of an unfortunate transporter accident! This explains why we hear so much yapping on Capital Hill. There are these two sets of "unipoodles" with rat tails and funky antennae. The Democrats all have these tame little unipoodles that don't do anything, while the Republicans all have these unipoodles that think they're pit bulls.

Next time I have a meeting on the Hill, I am so going to look for the transporter. Our only hope is to reverse the process during the next State of the Union address! If we can do that, the two halves of our political system will be reunited and our government will be functional again! Or Nancy Pelosi will grow a beard. One of those two.

OK, it sounds strange, but doesn't that actually make more sense than any other theory?
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