osewalrus (osewalrus) wrote,
osewalrus
osewalrus

Ds and Rs STILL in race to piss off the largest number of voters

Amidst all the negative poll numbers for Ds, some oddly positive ones keep surfacing. Most recently, while W.VA and CN have become more competitive for Rs in the Senate, KY has gone from solid R to competitive/lean-R, and CA has gone from toss-up to competitive/lean-D. Voters still blame everyone for the bad economy, don't trust anyone, dislike their incumbent, but don't necessarily like/trust their opposition.

So Ds have responded by telling their base how stupid and lazy they are, whilst Rs are reassuring voters that "We have not changed in the least since 1994, but we promise to be wear short sleeves and look more folksy this time."

The five people who actually turn out to vote on election day have such fun choices.

D: "Sure, we have totally disappointed you, and the last two years have been incompetence on parade. But stop being such ungrateful whiners and vote for us because we actually did do some things that we are embarrassed to talk about because our opponents attack them."

R: "We promise to stop providing you with unemployment insurance and to waste endless time debating stupid stuff you don't care about like the 17th Amendment."

D: I have no principles or backbone, but my opponent is a conservative whack job who wants to privatize social security and thinks the President is a Kenyan. So vote for me you lazy a--holes so I can continue to keep doing exactly what I've been doing until now and bitterly disappoint you further.

R: I do favor privatizing social security and I will impeach that evil socialist Kenyan. I also will keep revisiting old issues like the health insurance reform thing that everyone is tired of. Oh, and I will cut funding for your schools and state services. But I will actually get all this crazy stuff done because I am disciplined and effective.

D: FEAR THE TEA PARTY APOCALYPSE YOU LAZY SELFISH BASTARDS AND KEEP ME IN MY JOB!!!!

R: GIVE IN TO YOUR ANGER! IT MAKES YOU STRONGER! JOIN THE POWER OF THE DARK SIDE!!!! TOGETHER WE SHALL RISE AND CRUSH OUR ENEMIES!!!!!!

Yup.
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